Podcast An old issue: EPISODE 6 - CHRISTMAS ODDITIES AND OLD AGE

Hello, my name is Ricardo Crispim, and welcome to the 6th episode of the podcast An Old Issue.

December. December is a month which I have mixed feelings about.

The most beautiful month, at least for me, has arrived, along with its usual challenges. If I indulge in sweets, I'll gain weight, but how can I resist (and I'll list these in order of preference) from my mother's "filhoses" and "coscorões," to the "bolo-rei," the traditional Portuguese cake, followed by conventual sweets… I can go on and on. If I buy too many gifts, I'll have more month left over than money. Nowadays, it seems like merely being present and having food on the table isn't enough. We always have to give some little gift that nobody wants or needs! All of this is part of the season.

I'm the kind who gives the little gift!

The saddest month, at least for me, has arrived as well, and with it, the usual challenges. Breathing life into Christmas at a facility supporting older people is a difficult task. I would say: Herculean. Parties are organized, the elderly are dressed as St. Joseph and Our Lady, beautiful handicrafts, which are more for preschool projects, are made, walls and windows are decorated with random drawings, culinary workshops are organized to sweeten the mouths of so many who are orphaned of living children and friends. All of this is done. Almost all of this I did until I realized that what my older friends wanted most was to experience Christmas as it used to be: by the fireside, with the scent of oil from frying "filhoses" and "azevias," all accompanied by good conversation. Just talking! Just talking! Sharing the nostalgia of past Christmases. Sharing memories of presents they never received. Sharing stories that, if published, would become bestsellers. Just talking! Just talking!

Today, in these facilities, almost everything is done to provide supposed moments of joy, with lots of confetti, glitter, twinkling lights, giving gifts that nobody wants or needs, posting photos on social media. Whatever!

Boredom is no longer allowed. We have to exercise the power of conversation. We have to exercise the ability to "do nothing." Professionals are held captive to doing things that are visible. Instagrammable things. The burning question is: do older people want to do everything that professionals want? We don't know... because older people aren't listened to. We won't know because we rarely give the elderly the chance to talk.

Although there are numerous good practices that are successful, and innovation in the sector of caring for older adults is growing, timidly and slowly, it is a fact that the existence of paternalistic, directive, task-oriented care, not focused on what professionals consider correct but rather on the best interest of those who need care, requires the creation of a framework conducive to the transmission of effective good practices.

In my modest opinion, a good practice occurs when we provide spaces, moments, for older people to converse, whether in silence or through words, with tears or big smiles. In dialogue among equals, there is room for all of this.

Setting aside the centrality of parties, theaters, cooking workshops, and handicrafts is a risky Christmas move at a time when so much is demanded of everyone and so little of creativity and innovation. Professionals are asked what they will do with the "users" for Christmas (and although you didn’t see it, I used flying quotes when referring to "users"). Because there is a code of conduct that dictates that "users" (again with flying quotes) have to do things, when what these PEOPLE want is to be with their loved ones (WHEN THESE ARE MEANINGFUL TO THEM), or talk, or cry, or laugh, or dream, and most of the time this isn’t an Instagrammable action, therefore, it doesn't appear in the typical activities that professionals develop.

A reality I am well acquainted with goes by the name of "institutional abandonment." People are abandoned in institutions. And if this is a cutting scourge every day, at Christmas, it assumes glaring proportions due to the suffering it causes those who live in these institutions. All caregivers do their best, they do their best with the resources available to them, but they cannot replace family, friends, the community. If this happens, if most of the activities developed at Christmas only serve as a quick fix that solves little, because we cannot heal a wound that inflames every day due to abandonment (BECAUSE MODERN LIFE HAPPENS, AND THERE IS NO PLACE FOR THE ELDERLY), then the solution lies in taking a step back. And essentially, taking that step back requires leaving behind the apotheosis of noisy activities, palliative activities, and listening.

Listening is beneficial. The problem is that for a significant number of professionals, listening often feels like boredom... But there’s so much to gain. Because it is in the place of boredom that the best ideas, the best solutions, are born. At least for me. It is in the silence of listening that the answers emerge.

Let it be clear that I am not advocating for the end of "activities" with fireworks and other gimmicks. What I suggest is creating a balance between conventional activities and space for older adults to talk. Surprisingly, this balance is very important.

We must summon new narratives. It is possible, with willingness and determination, although it requires a lot of work. There should be no hesitation in giving room for dialogue, for boredom, for conversation. If it's meaningful... why not?

Let it be clear: I am not against mainstream activities. Now, the way we approach them needs to change.

It's important to open the windows to let in fresh air and new things.

We take a long time to learn or to deconstruct something, but if we start dismantling these Christmas oddities this Christmas, perhaps by Christmas 2024, the Christmas oddities will cease to exist.

That's it for me today. Thank you for being on the other side and for helping me think.

I remind you that InEnglish is supporting this podcast by providing a complete English translation of what I say here. I'll leave the link in the description.

Counting on you for the next episode. Oh, by the way, in the next episode, I'll discuss beautiful Christmas advertisements. Until then.

I am Ricardo Crispim. Take care!